INSURANCE!

Has anybody ever wondered why, everytime you watch the TV, look at facebook (or similar), pick up a newspaper or magazine or see a mass of hoardings on the street or in a shopping mall, 60% of the ads are for Insurance in one form or another, 10% are for mobile ‘phones in one form or another, 10% are for claiming back mis-sold insurance on pension schemes, mortgages and credit cards and the remaining 20% are a mish-mash of computer dating, supermarkets, yoghurt, Broadband and TV services (Sky could probably do their thing for a quid a month if they chopped their advertising and promotion!!! – they’re everywhere).

This onslaught leads me to believe that, despite the fact that they are always moaning about scams, the weather, earthquakes and volcanoes and how these impact on their profitability, the insurance business must be pretty lucrative – after all if you offer people over 60 life cover for a fiver a month, on the face of it, that’s one hell of a risk but read the ‘small’ (bloody tiny) print on the ads and you will note that no benefits will be paid out until the policy had been in force for for a minimum of 2 years.

Everyone likes a bargain but we are all, now, victims of a ‘brain-washing’ syndrome which convinces us, totally, that the lively, colourful (expensive!) ads put out by the likes of confused.com mean that the products and services they are offering must be, as they say, a lot cheaper than the old fashioned method of having an experienced insurance broker investigate the market and select the best product for you.

THEY ARE NOT! They all carry premium subsidies presumably to cover for errors and pay for the campaigns!

I have nothing to do with the Insurance Industry, BTW, but, in common with most of us, I have to take cover out from time to time and, just recently, I had to insure my Mini. Now I am 69 years old and retired – the little car is garaged every night and my annual mileage is minimal. So, seduced by the ads,  I decided to bypass the broker this year and get some quotes in from these firms that are constantly assailing us with how cheap they are  – in the end I did realise just how ‘money-supermarket’ I am because, having sussed that most of the premiums I was being offered were MORE than I paid in the current year, I called my broker and he organised the exact degree of cover I wanted and the premium was, on average, £ 250.00 per annum cheaper than any of the TV firms.

So before you fall for any of these scams (there’s no other word, regrettably) – call a broker – you might, just, be pleasantly surprised.

Internet “Trolls”

I am very, very angry – we have a historical habit, in this country, of turning legendary criminals into ‘heros’ – Robin Hood, The Krays and Ronnie Biggs are probably good examples of the way in which the truth and history can be twisted in their favour – the fact that they were all instrumental in killing innocent people in the course of their ‘careers’ get’s lost in the fog of our need to put these nasty bits of work onto a pedestal.

And anyone in the establishment who attempts, in some way or another, to get the truth into the arena gets similarly vilified by the same people who have created the problem in the first place.

Currently we have two young police women killed in a horrifying, carefully contrived and, seemingly totally intentional attack One was getting married shortly and the other was a probationer.

They were, as is always the case with the British police, unarmed and unprotected – they were simply doing the job for which we pay them.

Now the arseholes (there’s no other term, sorry) are coming out of the woodwork claiming that is was the killer that was the ‘victim’ – one even suggesting he be pit up for a CBE!

And yet if any of these people of dubious intelligence were ever at the wrong end of a criminal attack or offence (if something of their’s was stolen they were attacked or their property broken into for instance) who would they contact? Equally how loudly would they complain if their situation wasn’t dealt with promptly and efficiently!

It’s crass hypocricy of the ASBO ‘badge of honour’ mentality – do something totally outrageous guaranteed to offend the majority’s sensibilities and become famous – get quoted in the newspapers (‘that was me wot wrote that’ said to their mates – can’t you hear it?)

Yes I know we don’t have the perfect society now and that the nation’s morals have deteriorated over the past two decades but we, the majority, DO NOT have to put up with this crap – write to your MP, Local Newspaper, anyone in authority and demand that they force Facebook/Twitter Etc to monitor the sites more carefully and remove this offensive crap before it spreads.

And attack the people who create this trash with the same ferocity as we seem to regularly use against anyone that offends or attacks Islam.

Pictures by Lily

‘It’s for you’, she said with that disarming grin that comes naturally to her – and handed me the painting she’d obviously laboured over for some considerable time.

‘It’s a picture of me swimming’ she said – and it was, a beautiful blue sea with a figure immersed but in action – it takes pride of place on the wall of my little flat, now.

‘Would you like to see my bedroom’ she asked, slightly provocatively – I raised a Roger Moore style eyebrow and glanced at her Father – he nodded his approval and you have no idea of the scope of the fun we had up there for the next couple of hours (her Dad went out!) – we drew, we coloured, we read stories. we bounced on the bed!

‘You can make me breakfast in the Morning’ she said, dropping off to sleep with a wide, satisfied, happy grin on her rosy cheeked, elfin, face.

And I did Weetabix with Milk and Honey was the order of the day after which I made her brush her teeth then I asked if she needed my help to get dressed ‘Yes please’ she said – so I did up the buttons and tied the bow of her pretty dress..

I Love Lily – my little blonde grand daughter – she brightens up my world and, unlike other females in my life, appreciates what I do for her.

50 SHADES OF PUCE

Solveig stirred in her sleep as Julian moved over her – with one short twist he was by her side, ripping the thin, silk, knickers from her more than adequate thighs. She sighed, gently, in her sleep, as, he entered her and his body started that perennial horse riding motion. She awoke, drowsily, 2 minutes later when, exhausted, he withdrew and turned over – ‘Oh Julian’, she said, ‘what have you been up to’ – ‘making love to you my sweet’ he responded, pulling on his socks – ‘strange, I never noticed and you never asked if you could!’.

‘No Worries Sheila – sorry, Solveig’ as he slipped on his vest, – ‘I’m off to the UK today so I’ll be out of your hair’

‘I’ll have to think about that’ she replied. ‘My American friends have offered me a lot of kroner if I can get something on you that might bring you down’.

‘I’ll be safe in Britain’ he said, ‘should I get arrested there are plenty mugs who’ll stand bail for me and loads of foreign embassies I can hide in if I have problems with the authorities’.

He gave her a smile, blew her a patronising kiss, nonchalantly threw his jacket over his shoulder and left the room – ‘You bastard’ thought Solveig ‘I’ll get you for this’.

The Loneliness of the Long Distance (Ex) Husband

It’s the 9th September today – had things not turned out the way they have I would have been happily married for 40 years. I was already, secretly, planning a party when I was exiled from my home on a premise and despatched to live alone and friendless in this clinical flat in Southampton. I would have bought something with a Ruby in it and enjoyed the excitement of the anticipation of her reaction when, eventually, I gave it to her this morning – true I would have been severely chastised for profligacy but who cares at 69?

So here I am – and there’s one thing worse than straight loneliness and that’s loneliness when one is broke, bust, penniless, without disposable! It’s not totally true because I manage, quite well, to feed myself and keep the supply of Wine and other booze at a reasonable level – but sometimes I am nearly overcome with a desire to either go out for a meal or simply go down to one of the many bars here and have a pint – my wallet always nulls the idea.

So I watch a lot of TV (and talk to the set a lot), do a fair amount of reading, cultivate a vague ‘garden’ on the balcony here, work on the Family tree, respond to silly adverts on the web, e-bay a bit, do Facebook and, generally, try and amuse myself as best I can.

I have, actually, tried to find some gainful but, at 69, most firms go through the motions of an interview but one knows they are only doing to avoid accusations of ‘ageism’ and the compensation culture that has rapidly developed in the UK in the past few years.

Hopefully, when this stupid and expensive legal business is over and I am ‘single’ again I will have enough money to live a little and travel to see some bits of the world I have missed, somehow, lord knows I am in the right place to jump on a boat!

In the meantime I shall just sit here and bemoan the loneliness.

Items for sale by this blogger

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/251144458980?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/251146176695?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

The Ultimate Fate of Bluebottle

‘Toothbrush Holesmanship’ was his artisan craft – the man who drilled the little holes in the top of toothbrush handles in the 50’s and early ’60’s. The factory was in Balham (Gateway to the South) and he was once visited by the Emir of Wazoola who stopped by for a few words (‘bottlle didn’t understand any of them). His friend and compadre was ‘Eccles’ , a slightly retarded lad with the time always written down on a piece of paper which he kept in his pocket in case his watch ever stopped. He and Bluebottle shared a love of ‘Cardboard and Licorice Junior Smoker’s kits’ and were never without one especially when tricked into blowing themselves up with Dynamite by hero Neddy Seagoon (a progenitor of ‘friendly fire’ – the Americans watched him and learned), trained army absconder Dennis Bloodnok (today we have ASBOs – in those days AWOLs) of the 3rd Friern Barnet Dragoons or arch-villains Hercules Griptype-Thynne and his companion Count Jim ‘Pink Knees’ Moriarty (the latter went on to become the bane of Sherlock Holmes life!). I have one of Griptype-Thynne’s business cards – it’s blank because he gave it to me,and when I asked him ‘why is it blank’ he replied  ‘business is bad laddy’.

Infamous for their crimes Thynne and Moriarty consistently ‘deaded’ Bluebottle, Eccles and Seagoon….but the story goes on……..

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